Thinking of You

Dear PJ,

1 month…a whole 30 days have lapsed in this After PJ life. Long ass 30 days… Tomorrow is your 26th wedding anniversary. Something tells me your spirit might linger a bit closer to your wife tomorrow. Makes me wonder if she will loathe this once special day because you aren’t near to celebrate. She will lie down in the bed she shared with you for 25 years, draw herself closer to your pillow and hope she can still catch a small amount of your scent to remind her that in some ways, you’re still here.

I’ve been painting a bit over the last few days. Painting is always a catch 22…the deeper I focus, the more my mind and heart wander to the places I shut off just to function during the day. It’s where I hold my secrets, my fears, and all the pain it’s just not suitable to express publicly. The paint holds my tears, the aches, the hope, and the grief. And in all of this…I think of you.

I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing you and the friendship we shared.

I love you.

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