Passive Aggressive

I hate being ignored. Correction…I hate when people can spare a few minutes to ‘like’ a photo or post on Facebook or Instagram but can’t spare the same amount of time to reply to a text message or phone call. I also don’t appreciate when it takes days or weeks for people to reply. It takes what…thirty seconds to reply to a message (unless you’re me and have two uncooperative thumbs on touch screens)? How hard it is to communicate with someone in that amount of time? You could do that while taking a shit or brushing your teeth. But no…some people like to just fall off the grid. I get it. I like to crawl away in my room and disappear for an afternoon, but if I receive messages or inquiries from people, I reply. Call it common courtesy.

I’ve been dealing with shitty communicators for about a year and I don’t understand the behavior. Especially when they weren’t shitty communicators before. Did life just get that fucking busy? I’m more than willing to challenge the busy status quo. Marriage, work (involving multiple clients and commuting over 200 miles a week), grad school, parenting, and home management all occupy my time. But I still keep appointments and find a way to recharge my introvert battery. Perhaps I’m just better at time management or I’m being judgmental of others. Both are likely true, but honestly, I don’t care.

I’ve never been a confrontational person. I don’t like voicing my opinion (face to face) only to look like a petulant child who didn’t get their way. But part of growing up is learning to communicate effectively. Being able to tell a person who hurt you that they made a mistake in a nice, compassionate way. This is where I’m a shitty communicator. I don’t want to hurt people even though I’ve been hurt. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt that they’ve just had a shit storm hit their house and they can’t possibly spare thirty seconds to talk to me. Am I unreasonable in my frustration? Am I being selfish for having expectations and needs? Should I just let it go? Or do I speak up?

I found out a week ago that my therapist moved across the country and didn’t tell me. Not one fucking word to notify me that I’d never get to see her again…unless I feel like moving to another state. This isn’t the root of my irritation, but it definitely tipped me over the edge when trying to be patient with people who fail to give me important information. I’m hurt. I valued her tremendously and it makes me feel like I didn’t matter to her. And there are other people in my life who I love, who I’ve been there for, who I need…and who are just not up to par with me anymore. And it makes me sad. Are we just outgrowing each other and it’s manifesting in the increasing silence between us?

I don’t really know how to proceed, how to word myself adequately, so I’m being passive aggressive and writing about it. Maybe they’ll read it and realize I’m talking to them. But if they can’t bother with a thirty second text message reply, I doubt they’ll spare the time to read my rant. I’ve got to get better at being honest about how I feel.

I’m hurt. You hurt me. You ignored me. I don’t like it. Please stop.


2 thoughts on “Passive Aggressive

  1. I deal with this on the daily it seems. Perhaps not people that don’t make time to talk to me but they just don’t get me, at all. It never matters how much I try to reach out to people, I am as misunderstood as a sixteen year old teen girl. My friend, best friend, bitches about things that I worried about when I was 18. We are 22, granted. But I want to strangle her on a daily basis because she has NO idea how easy she has it. They hurt me without trying, and it’s because perhaps I have an ego about how much pain I’ve endured (is this POSSIBLE?) and see their problems as minuscule. Life, it’s a bitch.

    • I think pain is subjective. No one encounters it the same…and perhaps that’s why we miss clues about how others feel. We can’t contemplate the breadth and the depth of their struggles (yes, there’s empathy, but it only goes so far) and we get lost in our own worries. I don’t necessarily think there’s anything wrong with putting ourselves first, but we have to balance that with attending to others or we become assholes. Today, my therapist said many people have underdeveloped brains and are unable to look beyond themselves emotionally and intellectually. Some people are in fact trapped in a junior high mentality where the world revolves around them and only them. It’s difficult if you’re their friend and needing so much more than they can give. Because of this concept, I’ve become more selective of the friends in my life and more compassionate towards people who can’t look beyond their selfishness.

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