Think Think Thinking

Today’s a snow day. The fifth one in ten days. Suffice it to say Texas doesn’t take kindly to anything beyond rain. The entire Dallas-Fort Worth metropolis and surrounding suburbs come to a complete halt when wet, flaky substances fall from the heavens. And I’ve purposely done almost NOTHING every snow day. I’m either binge watching Netflix or staring into space. I don’t read, I don’t study for internship, I don’t paint. I might do a load of dishes or feed the animals…but otherwise, I’m a lush. And I’m starting to feel less guilty about my idle time.

I’ve learned a valuable lesson: there is a big difference between physical rest and mental rest. I’ve done plenty of physical resting over the last week, but my brain seems to be overactive…which in turn leaves me tired. There’s never enough mental silence and my brain is crowded. All of the thinking, all of the wondering, all of the worrying.

I think about the website for my new business and the fact that it’s still not complete and I’m lagging behind by two months. I think about internship and the fact that I have far fewer client hours than I should at this point in the semester. I think about the pure complexity of the custody battle my husband and I are in…and ALL the work necessary to complete this task. I think about big upcoming changes that I can’t publicly share yet. Changes that I’m excited about and hopeful for.

I think about friends and family…do I talk to them enough, reach out enough…? Am I prioritizing my time? Am I listening to my husband? Does he know how much I love him? Does the Little Blonde One know how much we miss her?

Does my damn cat resent me for the two new cats that have taken over her home?

What kind of job will I be able to get when I FINALLY graduate later this year? Will I even like it? Will this three-year investment be worth the sacrifices I’ve made?

All the thinking all the time.

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